It has come to my attention that the newest kid trend these days has involved launching frogs at high speed velocities to extract estrogen. It keeps getting worse and worse with these new trend because of internet access and portable phone accessibility. AS IF THERE WASNT ENOUGH ESTROGEN being pumped into us unsuspecting citizens already. Now kids are double dosing for added estrogen into their diets.
By launching these high speed amphibian rockets, the creatures exude a mist of pure estrogen that kids collect WITH PARTY BALLOONS and then condense and add to their milk every day while eating breakfast. These leads to more emotional kids who have to deal with heightened depression and isolation associated with internet usage. THERE IS A WAY TO STOP THE MADNESS.
If you’ve encountered rumors of your kid high speed launching frogs for estrogen gathering purposes here’s what to do:
1. SNEAK AROUND AND FIND PROOF
You need proof that your kid is doing this.If you just confront them about it of course they’ll deny any accusations. Invest in a good security system and install numerous cameras around your house. Now launches generally don’t happen indoors, but it’s good to know that they can happen. Attempt to persuade your kid to wear an action camera like a go pro at all times on their forehead. Tell them to keep it recording at all times of the day. That’s when you can catch them. Watch through the footage of your kids entire day and if you see any footage of them catapulting frogs at ridiculous speeds, then you’ll know that they have in fact been frogs blasting.
2. HAVE A STRONG DIALOGUE WITH YOUR KID
Once you have video proof that your child is frog blasting, present them the evidence and educate them on the fact that they already have enough estrogen in their system through other means such as estrogen airplane drops. Tell them THE MADNESS HAS TO STOP. It will be better for you and your kid as a family to stop the frog blasting and the bonus breakfast estrogen.
3. TELL YOUR KID THEY ARE ALLERGIC TO FROGS
Tell your kid they are in fact allergic to frogs and they just don’t know it but could die from being around them. This should work if step 2’s constructive approach does not.
If you follow these three steps your kid won’t be frog blasting in no time! It’s as easy as that! Remember, be safe, have fun and beware of the dangerous things your kid could fall victim to out there!